What it Means to Come of Age.

Today’s my sweet sixteen!

… is what I would have said if today was actually my sweet sixteen.

Due to a few setbacks here and there, I was unable to publish this post on my birthday (which was some months ago) 😞😥😓. But, hey, it’s part of life, yo.

Okay, over to the post:

We all know that a sweet sixteen is the most important of all girl birthdays.

When a girl turns sixteen, she has come of age, she has officially become a young woman. And ‘today’, I become all that.

I remember that time in my life, back when I was younger, that I looked upon the age sixteen and thought: “Sixteen is such a big age!” because I knew a sixteen-year-old was not a child anymore.

Before I carry on, permit me to roll back to some of my best years while growing up:

3 years: My first best year. My younger brother was born when I was this age, and I was so much bigger than my age that people thought I was five!

9 years: At this age, I believe I was my fullest self. I was cheerful, very chubby, smart, a bit of an introvert (as I always have been, I think) and at my creative best. It was at nine that I gave up trying to learn to ride a bicycle because of a very embarrassing accident with one! When I look back at age nine, I say that the person I was then was the real me, and that I’ll try to get back that me to a hundred percent (minus the ‘very chubby’ part o).

12 years: It’s not like it’s one of my favorite years, but at this age, I was in JSS2, and that class has been my best so far throughout secondary school. I have so many good, bad, embarrassing memories from this year!

13 years: At thirteen, my best friend and I became real friends. It was also my best friend that ‘dared’ me to go into what I like to call ‘here-and-now coding’, after I had decided to become a programmer (still at thirteen). At thirteen, I made a lot of memories with my best friend.

At thirteen, I was in JSS3, a class where I lived out one of my purest years in secondary school. I say ‘purest’ because it was in this year that I felt like I was really in control of myself, didn’t bend to peer pressure, and enjoyed academic excellence.

15 years: At fifteen, I started Olaedo, a blog where I help teens like me bring out their gold and get better outlooks on certain things about life as a teen.

I’m still counting… still want to cross the marks of other ages, and add to this favorites list.

I’ve always viewed ‘coming of age’ as a big leap, a higher step. And maybe it is. When someone has come of age, I believe the person should be able to claim a few of these as part of their personality:

She should know who she is.

This just means that you should be able to clearly verbalize the kind of person you are, what you like and dislike, what you believe in and what you do not; you should know your limits as a person, but never get stuck in a rut, only doing things you know won’t task you that much. Risks are their own kind of spice, and you’ll never really live without using them once or twice. Know who you are, know your limits as a person, but never fail to try and do new, outside-the-box things.

She should be confident in her personality, and always stand up for herself.

Accept your flaws and imperfections – which don’t even exist in the eyes of those who truly care about you. You may not be like everyone around you (I certainly am not), but you still aren’t alone. Bend down and count all the ‘hidden’ people in your life that make you feel loved and happy – no matter how frequently you see them or how few they are.

And in times when people or situations are making you feel like an oddball for refusing to conform to their way of life, gather up the courage to push back and defend who you have come to be. It’s hardest to do in times of doubt, when it seems like you’re alone, but it shows that you don’t need the fake likes and compliments of other people to feel good about yourself and your achievements.

She should have found God and followed Him.

Prove me wrong if you can, but in almost all Nigerian Christian families, moms are the propellers of the family’s spiritual life. I’m not making this point just because of that fact, though, but we girls should know that knowing God is a very important part of our development.

I admit that I push Him aside many a time and go after things He’s told me not to, but I was always find my way back to Him as He leads me back with grace. All you need to do is sincerely pray for Him to be your guide through life, ‘cause the heart of the journey is yet to be reached. I advise praying with Psalms 32 and 27 (The Living Bible version, preferably).

She should have started making baby steps towards her chosen career.

I first wanted to be a musician, and then a writer, and then a fashion designer, and now a software engineer. Choosing career paths and working towards them are not for the weak. It takes a lot to be serious-minded, focus on getting good grades and getting any career-related experiences you can before you jump into the real deal.

I, for example, take online coding courses to ground me on software development in preparation for my career ahead. Do something here and now that will get you grounded in your career choice before you begin the course proper.

She should be able to walk away from people and situations that threaten her self-esteem and peace of mind.

Don’t try to live up to the expectations of other people. Live your life, gaining all experiences you should have – in ways you know are good and right. Walk away from people who constantly bring you down, make you doubt yourself and make you want to do things that cause your mind unrest. But before you do, I advise you leave them with a few words on how you really feel about them.

She should have a confidant or best friend.

This isn’t compulsory, even I can’t boast of a best friend. But try to find out that/those person/s of value that you can always pour out your heart to and who will be there for you. I know real friends are scarce nowadays.

She should have known her role and place in her family.

Whether you are the first-daughter-first-child, first-daughter-only-girl, middle-sister, last-sister, know that every girl has a role to play in her family; not just traditionally, but also in the business of bearing up your own pillar in order to help your parents make your family stand. Your presence has its own significance, so make sure that your role in your family is acknowledged because of how well you roll with it.

She should know her way around domestically.

Even as I talk of knowing your place in the family, you should know your place as a young woman, who will one day be a mommy yourself. Know how to cook – well. Know how to be organized and to organize others. Learn to be tolerant and peaceful, and to control your anger (if you are hot-tempered).

She should have defined her approach to relationships.

Different girls have different ways they view relationships. In a time when we’re just becoming women, openings for relationships will just keep coming and coming. Define your own beliefs and be confident in them. Whoever will truly like you will truly like you.

And even as we have different outlooks to relationships, there is one universal rule: Make sure you know your worth, so that you won’t find yourself looking for who you are in a guy, basing your identity on who he says you are.

Happy birthday to meeee! 🧀🧀🎈🎂🎉✨👧🏾😘 I hope that this post has put a little something more in your head about what it means to come of age.

Drop me a comment, telling me what you think of the post, or you can share your own wisdom concerning ‘coming of age’.

Or you could wish me a happy (very overdue) birthday! ✨✨🎉🎈👧🏾🎂

Feelin’ real happy to be plus one, 😁