Hey, readers!
This post is inspired by a personal, present experience of mine, and that’s why I said: “I’ve been there too, hun.”
There was a time I was overwhelmed, engulfed with intimidation. It happened that I began to care so much about what people thought of me that I was unable to focus on making my own decisions concerning the things I wanted in my life that would make me happy.
In the society live in, there are stereotypes about certain things. Stereotypes about boy-girl relationships, stereotypes about the things teens should and should not do, stereotypes about a lot of things, actually. And many of these stereotypes are – I daresay – old fashioned.
Nowadays, flexibility has been introduced into the framework of society. Gone are the days when there was only ‘one way of doing things: the right way.’ But in my society, modernity, flexibility and change are considered ‘bad’ by a majority.
So, the entire feelings of intimidation and inferiority came up when I just started dating. At that time, I had just been elected as the Senior Prefect of my school, ‘cause I was all-round star student + goody-two-shoes. 😊 So, everyone was surprised when rumors began going around that I had a boyfriend. 🤯
I don’t know what it’s like in other countries or societies, but in the average Nigerian society, a teenage girl who has a boyfriend automatically becomes (or is automatically tagged as) a bad girl.
I won’t lie, this is true 90% of the time. This is true because a majority of the boys who date teen girls in my society only want to corrupt them, use them and then dump them. 😭 And I believe it is because of this reason that teenage girls are advised not to date, because adults know that 99% – or, okay – 95% of teenage or young-adult boys cannot commit to a relationship.
But enough of all that. I have written posts about knowing who you are before you begin looking for someone to share yourself with, the importance of the innocent years, and about defining the things you look for in a relationship before agreeing to be in one. So if the subjects prick your interest, follow the linked phrases above. ☝🏿
But I believe I will do a second part of my Learn to Stand Before You Lean on Someone Else post, because a lot has happened since then, and I just want to clear up some statements I made there.
Got it? Yeah, yuh gat it. 👌🏿
So, back to the point: It was because of the general belief about teenage relationships that I had begun to be tagged as ‘one of them’, ‘a bad girl’.
And all the tagging got to me. It made me feel inferior and made it easy for me to be intimidated by the small successes of my peers in comparison to my own.
But what they – and even I – didn’t understand back then was that my case was different. My relationship was – is – different. I only began to realise that when the negative feelings were at their peak. My grades were dropping, and a lot in my life was going the wrong way. My boyfriend noticed this and talked to me about it. He actually talked to me a lot about it, but one conversation of ours really stood out to me. He told me to do whatever would make me happy, whatever I knew wouldn’t put pressure on me, whatever I knew would be good for me; whatever I decide, he would be fine.
It took me an entire half term (or more) and series of mental, emotional and academic breakdowns for me to come to the conclusion that I wanted my boyfriend in my life, that he was – and is still – beneficial to me… and makes me really happy. 🥰 I told myself that I don’t care about what people think of me, because people always talk; and many times, the things they talk about, the things they say are wrong end up being right in the end.
In fact, I wrote an entire Facebook post inspired by that experience. Here’s a cropped pic of the most important parts:
But that’s not the point.
The point – the point in this whole narration of mine – is that you should not care about what is going on around you, what people think of you, when deciding on the things that you believe are important in your life. People will always talk, it’s their job to do that, hun. All you have to do is to filter out the positive, and eschew the negative. (small digression: This is actually what I think if when I hear the word ‘eschew’: 🤧)
Be confident in what you are doing, the path you are pursuing, as long as it makes you happy and IT IS GOOD. Because the truth of the matter is, as I said in my Facebook post, if you keep trying to please everyone, you will end up living your life for them, which is kind of like not living any life at all. The most important thing is to do whatever will make you happy that you believe is right, no matter what others say, and you’ll be fine.
But another thing to note is that you shouldn’t try to change what is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ just to suit your own lifestyle, actions or choices. That’s why it’s important to sit down and ask yourself what you believe is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, so that you can make decisions with assurance and certainty.
And that’s that.
Just a note to teens in relationships:
in my view, it’s not wrong to date as a teenager, just be sure you and your bf or gf are serious about the relationship and can see a future together.
Also make sure that you as a person are able to balance the different aspects of your life. A relationship can take up a lot of one’s mind – I speak from experience. But you should be able to allocate time for your relationship matters, as well as for other parts of your life, so you won’t get weighed-down, distracted and imbalanced. (As I once was).
*And a way to be sure you’re with the right person is to see how he or she responds when you tell them that, for example, you may be able to make it to a date or to meet up because you have to study or have some other engagement. A sensible person won’t pressure you to forfeit the other thing you have to do, because they’d know the importance of balance and priorities. But don’t overdo things. A relationship requires time and considerable effort to survive, and you must put in these factors.
I’m also against pre-marital or (at least) pre-mature sex. Don’t have sex as a teen; at least wait till you both are adults, when if pregnancy mistakenly occurs, you both will be mature and stable enough to handle it together.
So, hun, reader, don’t be intimidated by the words or actions of people. It must not always be concerning moral matters; it could also concern academics or in your workplace. Don’t be intimidated when someone is always termed as a ‘serious student’ or a ‘star student’ at the expense of others, don’t let it make you feel inferior. Don’t feel intimidated when someone supposedly does things better than everyone else; people are different, and as a result are made for different purposes. Find your thing and be the best at it.
That’s V’s take on inferiority and intimidation. Let’s keep the conversation going. Have you ever felt intimidated or inferior? How did you overcome those feelings? Did this post help boost your confidence? I really do want to hear from you, so drop me a comment below.👇🏿
Thanks for being my addressee. 🤗
Ciao, 💋
Ọlaedo 