The Thing with Growing Up.

Hey, readers!

There isn’t much to say in the way of an introduction to this post, because the tittle is self-explanatory.

There is a thing with the move to adulthood. There is a hidden flaw in growing up. Okay, not a hidden flaw, but we all must admit that on getting to the point of crossing the line of childhood into adulthood, we realise that… IT SOOOO WASN’T WHAT WE IMAGINED IT WOULD BE!

I don’t know about you, though; this is my personal finding.

From the time I was little, I used to say: I hate being a child. I wish I was an adult so I could go out whenever I want and be free.

I remember saying this to my aunties once upon a time. And one of them told me: There are other things attached to being an adult. It’s not just about going out and being free – free, even, to what extent? Being a child is much better than being an adult, so enjoy this time while you have it. Years later, I’m thinking back to her statement and realizing how true it was.

The commitments and stress and hard choices that come with growing up make us realise that we had it way better when we were kids or in our early teens.

I remember, back when I was about seven or so, being obsessed with bras. 😂😂🙈 Whenever my mum or any of my aunties removed their bras and left the room, I would sneak in and wear them. One day, I was caught. But my aunty wasn’t angry at me, she even thought it was funny seeing the oversized bra clasped around my small body. She told me something: You’re eager to wear bra when you don’t even have breasts yet. When you then get breasts what will happen? Don’t rush to wear bras, because a time will come when you’ll even be tired of wearing them.

My inexperienced little mind was flabbergasted at the statement. How could someone ever be tired of wearing a bra?! So I replied her: I’m never going to be tired of wearing bras.

She just told me: Watch and see. One day, you’ll say it with your own mouth that you’re tired of them.

Once again, years later, I really am tired of wearing bras. In fact, I made this same statement just some days ago!

As children and as early teenagers, we want to grow up so quickly. But when we finally get to that border, we begin to appreciate how good we had it back when we were younger.😥

And we can’t reverse it. Once we’re there, we’re there. There’s this pic a friend of mine posted on her WhatsApp status:

Yeah. Sometimes, broken pencils and unfilled homework are far better than the things we experience as we mature. But it’s fine. We always move. Regardless. 💪🏿💪🏿💪🏿

There a handful of cons attached to growing into an adult, there are a lot more responsibilities and stress. But here’s what I’ve got to tell you:

1.Change your viewpoint.

When going through a difficulty, or when you seem stuck in a frustrating situation, it’s completely normal to complain and feel… well, frustrated – and angry, too. But the best way to overcome uncomfortable circumstances is to change your viewpoint. There’s a saying that often comes to mind whenever I’m in sticky situations – I heard it on the radio back in 2017 or so:

When you change the way you see things, the things you see change.

You need to stop and look at things from another angle. Since you’re on the receiving end of the difficulty, why don’t you try stopping and observing the whole thing from an outsider’s point of view?

Doing this really helps, especially when you are in an argument with someone, or find yourself behaving differently to someone as a way of revenge. That kind of attitude weighs you down and makes you unhappy – I know what I’m saying. The unhappiness thus leads to your difficulty and frustration.

Stop and ask questions like you are an outsider: what caused the misunderstanding? What is the story on both sides? Is acting this way really the best? What if I tried handling it this way? And the rest of them.

Remember, in times of difficulty, not just when you have a misunderstanding with someone, always look at things from a new angle. I’m not guaranteeing you that the trouble will end, but it will help you bear it a lot happier.

2.There are always two sides of the story.

A sequel to the previous point. Don’t judge just by what you think you know, or just based on what you feel. Ask, think, and find out the other side of things before concluding or taking actions.

3.Don’t give discouragement way.

Don’t give way to negative vibes. Yes, life’s unfair, and no one is ever really sure of how things’ll turn out. But that doesn’t mean you should sink into pessimism, or listen to those who already have.

Life’s so unfair. Things only go well for a few people in the world, while the rest suffer.

Why bother trying again when all I do is fail?

The divide between the rich and the poor is so wide now. We poor and middle-class people will never have a chance at a comfortable life.

These are pessimistic statements, which should not be listened to, unless if you want to remain stagnant in life.

As you grow and mature, remove from your life all the people who constantly greet you with negative statements and opinions – whether friends or family. The more you do this, the happier you’ll be.

4. In whatever you do, be consistent.

Anything worth doing is worth doing well.

Be consistent in prayer, be consistent in your academics, be consistent in your good side-hustles, be consistent in everything.

5.You’re amazing. Just the way you are.

There’s more than one side to this:

You’re amazing. There are people you might come across in life that don’t just get you. They’ll never be able to understand the kind of person you are. If you are close to that kind of person, their opinions and statements about you and the way you are may begin to bring you down. Don’t let them.

Live your life. Whoever likes you will like you without reserves. You may think that you’re an oddball, or that no one’s ever going to truly like you. Wrong. You just haven’t met them yet. Life is long if you let it. You’re only just beginning.

And, yes, there are the bad aspects of us. It’s okay to be open to people who caution us about them and give us advice. But maturity comes with having sense, as I would say. So, you should have sense enough to detect when the advice becomes extreme and begins to turn into negativity. We shouldn’t be blind to the bad parts of us, and should try to be better people. But we should be sensible enough to spot bad vibes and zoom.

Your style is your style. Dress as you feel. Dress to your comfort. Yeah, sure, decency is a factor we must always respect, but dressing in a way that makes you feel comfortable and confident is most important, especially at this stage of our lives.

My fashion style is cutesy-comfort with a little extra (of course, it may change as the years go by): oversized sweaters and T-shirts, short, flair skirts (pleated skirts, preferably), sneakers, high flip-flops on a regular day, jean shorts, trousers – shorts are my most comfortable regular-outing wear – some body-hugging tops here and there… It’s plenty. 😂

But generally, my style is cutesy-comfort… with a little extra. 😁

So, yeah. There’s a thing with growing up. The mirage thing. It’s not what it appears to be once you get there. But it’s okay. We’ll get through.

But even after all the serious-serious, philosophical talk, let me also say that: you should enjoy your adulthood!!!

Being an adult only comes once, and after that, marriage and a whole container full of family responsibilities. And from what I know, everything just goes downhill from there. 😔

So just…

Take chances, and sometimes, [just do things on the spur of the moment]; no second, once passed, can ever be brought back… Make lots of memories, and never forget the old ones [because at the end of the day, all we will ever really have to hold on to is our memories of these times].

Vanessa Chidi

Let’s keep the conversation going. For young people just stepping into adulthood, is my point of view about it the same as yours? And if you’re already an adult, is there any advice you can leave for us young adults, or anything you’d like to say in general?

Don’t hesitate to reach out. I’ll be waiting. ⏳

Nostalgic about the good old days, 😥

P.S. There’s this song I’d really love young people, and even adults, to listen to, if you haven’t already. It’s tittled Adulthood by a Nigerian singer, Alade. It’s in line with the theme of this post, and is one of the things that inspired me write this. I first heard it when I was in boarding school. You can watch it on YouTube, or listen to it on your fave music streaming site. 💖

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4 Key Things I’ve Realised about Talents.

I’ve actually wanted to write something like this for some time – since 2020, actually – but it was only an engagement at my workplace that made me sit down and turn my thoughts into writing.

I personally love topics bordering on ‘talents’. I always have, since the time I knew what talents were, because I love showcasing or telling people about my talents.😁 And so, in this post, I’ll be writing on four key things I’ve come to realise about talents.

Will I say etymologically? 🤔 Originally, rather, the content of this post was beefed up from the Bible passage popularly known as The Parable of the Talents – which can be found in Mathew 25: 14-30 🤓. So, references will be made to the Bible story.

 I really don’t need to begin defining what talents are, but for formality’s sake, a talent is a natural ability to do something well.

And so, here’s what I have to say on talents:

1.Everyone has a talent. 🌸

Everyone was born with a talent. It’s like, a constant feature in the manufacturing of humans. Some people have just one talent, some have one outstanding talent and a few other recessive talents, and some have a multiple outstanding talents. Whichever way the combination comes, know that YOU ARE TALENTED. So don’t feel like there’s no natural ability you can offer the world.

2.No talent is too small. 🤏🏿

Taking from the Bible story, the servant given one talent must have felt like he had been cheated, being given one talent, while the others were given two and five talents. And so, he decided to bury his talent, saying that he would give his master his talent just as he had given it to him – no improvement attached.

But what he didn’t know was that his one talent was given to him according to his ability. The master shared the talents according to his servants’ abilities. And that is the same with us.

The fact that we were given one talent shouldn’t make us begin to compare it with a person who has multiple talents. A talent is a talent – big or small. The one we get is ours and ours alone.

3. Your talents won’t showcase themselves. 😏

Okay, okay.

You’ve found out your talents. Check.

You’ve realised that no talent is too small. Double check.

And now, you have to WORK ON YOUR TALENTS.

If you can sing, what are you doing with it? If you can draw, how are you showing what you can do? If you can write, hellllooooooo, where are you on the map? You have talents? Awesome! Now get to work. 😶

There activities you can engage in to bring yourself out, and as well grow your talents. I remember when I first started writing, back in Year 4 (grade/primary 4 for most schools in Nigeria). Fast forward to today, I’m still writing (not for money, though) but my writing is far better than it was back then. Why? Because I keep at it, writing constantly every chance I get. From writing numerous pages of fiction stories to writing ‘foolscap-fulls’ of essays to writing poetry on the sidelines to blogging, writing has carried me throughout the years to this day. I have other talents, but writing is a talent I pride myself on and work on more than all my other talents.

And that should be the same story for you. Whether it’s dancing, baking, crafts, music, or even organizing (yes, people are natural dead-serious organizers and planners! That’s a profitable skill nowadays) you’re naturally good at, you have to find out things to do that will keep you using your abilities so you can keep growing them to your own benefit. 😊

4.You are accountable for your talents. 🧐

This a little part of the preceding point. Our talents were given to us even before birth for our own use and benefit. Someone gave them to us, and He expects us to use them well. The feeling of inferiority in the face of others, or even the feeling of being over-burdened with ‘reality’ and all our ‘more pressing commitments’ can make us think that activities that grow our talents are unimportant. Well they’re not. Talents are important. Talents are tools that can be used to solve your life’s problems if only you change your viewpoint.

There is time for everything. This not only means that everything has its own time and due season, but also that there is always time for something more.

Vanessa Chidi.

Your talents are not unimportant. Yes, there are urgent needs, but there are also essential needs. Make time to grow your talents. It will make you more fulfilled as a person and boost your self-confidence. And don’t forget to be consistent with it.

I’d love to hear from you! Have you discovered your talent/s? What are you doing to grow them? Is blogging one of your talent-nurturing activities? Are You pursuing a career related to your talents? Lemme know in the comments section. Let’s discuss.

Cheers! 🍻

Wriggling Out.

Hey, readers!

Today’s post is taking a little dark turn – depending on how you wish to look it. I simply tittled it wriggling out just because.

It’s recently been hovering around my mind how many people and teens today have fallen into porn addiction, masturbation, and other kinds of such habits. Porn addiction is a destructive habit that makes you lose focus and causes you to misplace your life’s priorities . Masturbation and other forms of outside-the-box sexual acts are simply just physical displays of a life of porn addictions, which all have consequences that could destabilize your life.

It’s always been my motive to inform, inspire and motivate using my blog. So here I have some things one can do to help, for a person who’s addicted to porn and it’s likes.

1.Clear your mind.

Sit down and think about your situation. As long as you’ve consciously accepted to let go of it, you need to sit down and have a little kind of penitence or remorse; give yourself a little scolding or self-punishment. That’ll help your brain realize that you’ve been doing something wrong, and clear up space for change to begin.

2.Fill up your mind with other things.

Of course, porn occupied a space in your mind. And if you were addicted, it would also be etched as part of your daily routine. And when you begin to try to desist from it, there will be a vacuum – in your mind and in the sequence of your actions. You’ll become kind of uneasy and seemingly jobless. And if you don’t find things to replace that space with, your mind and body will just go back to doing what they’re already accustomed to, and you’ll be getting back into bad habits.

And so, you have to fill in the space. As you clear your mind, remind yourself of things like your dream career and why you want to pursue it, remind yourself of the most important people in your life and why you need to stop the bad habits so you can be the best version of yourself for them, think up positive activities you can engage in around your area that’ll keep you busy. Essentially, just make sure you’re always occupied, and that you have a force pulling you away from porn.

3.Erase all the data.

This is very important, because in the stages where you just started letting go of porn, it’ll still be very easy to fall back. And because of this, you must get rid of everything that could possibly remind you of your bad habits: pictures, videos, audios, objects, everything. You have to do this, because even the smallest glimpse of such things can get you back to thinking those thoughts and doing those things you don’t want to do.

And even as you do this, you should also try to purge your mind of all pornographic memories, and also build up the willpower to fight back those kind of thoughts as often as they’ll pop up in those times.

4. Constantly ask for strength and help.

It’s a hard tussle; there WILL always be times you’ll be tempted: just for a minute, your mind would tell you, and many times, you will give in, only to hate yourself for it afterwards.

At a point, you might even begin to ask yourself where the sense is in constantly trying again, when you always give in to the bad habits at the end of the day. You might even sink into despair, telling yourself you’ll never be able to let it go. And then you might be all: what’s the use of it all? and want to quit

It’s in times like these that you need to ask for help from the Greater Power. You may not be religious or anything. Okay. But you should still try and ask for help with your struggle. I assure you, there’s Someone who’s always listening to our requests and prayers – especially the requests of those who’ve made lots of mistakes. He’ll listen to you, guide you as you progress, and lift you up when you fall.

Know you’ll never be in it alone. And remember that:

no matter how many times you try again and fail, you’ll always be a better person than you were when you hadn’t begun to change, as long as you keep trying.

Your progress may be small, but it’s still something.

Letting go of porn addiction, masturbation and other dirty habits is truly a hard thing to. But by reading this article, it’s been brought to your consciousness the things you can do to let go of it if you’re into such.

Know that it’s your willpower that will help you most through it all. It will be that thing that will force you to get up when you’d rather stay down. You need to work on building it up of you really want to wriggle out of porn addiction.

Godspeed. ♥️