I was in a dilemma recently – a personal/emotional/spiritual dilemma, actually. It was like I knew what my problem was, but I was trying to hide it from myself, I was trying to mask it so I wouldn’t confront it. I think I had a good enough reason for not wanting to confront it: I didn’t want to hurt somebody’s feelings. Now, I won’t go all nitty-gritty on the details, for my safety and the safety of those involved, but I will pick out what I’ve scavenged from this.
I have very strong views on dating and teen relationships. For me, teens shouldn’t be dating. Why? Look out for my blog post on the subject, coming soon. But I thought that at my point in life, with only a year left to be done with secondary school, I could give being ‘a girlfriend’ a chance.
Normally, I think that if two teens like each other, they shouldn’t hide their feelings from each other. What they should do is know that going into a full-blown relationship is a big step, a big step that requires physical and emotional commitment. I would normally say don’t get into any physical commitments (like kissing and touching in certain places and stuff like that) because understanding yourselves and learning what makes the other tick is more important– and that’s what I believe in.
But all that can only be applied if the person you have feelings for understands your point of view. Not many guys, not many girls would want to take it slow; as slow as not touching, as slow as not hugging, as slow as not kissing. For some people, it’s childish not to express your feelings physically, but the truth of the matter is that taking it slow, especially at teenage is the right thing to do because the two teens have the opportunity to focus on and build other aspects of their lives – without worrying whether or not they’re paying enough attention to their boyfriend or girlfriend – they can get used to each other as they lay the foundation of their would-be relationship on friendship – the most important part of any relationship, mind you. I really get into the details of this in my blog post on this very subject, which, as I said earlier, you can check out soon. But taking it slow at this age is the best approach you can ever take.
So, back to me. Well, after a period of trying and failing and trying and failing and trying and trying and failing, I finally realized that:
I want to learn how to stand before I begin to [or learn to] lean on somebody else… or else someday if there is no one to lean on, I will fall.
– Vanessa Chidi
I am an independent person and I love it. I don’t take pride in depending on anyone for anything – most times, even my parents. And because of this, bending myself to make someone else happy or to meet someone else’s needs at this stage of my life when I must establish my independent characteristic more firmly is purgatorial. Working towards my dreams without having any attachments to weigh me down is my ideal, it’s a thing I don’t find hard to do.
But, hey, this isn’t a one-size-fits-all. Not everyone likes being self-governing, not everyone likes to work alone, not everyone likes to do things without having someone closer than a friend to lean on when times get tough. Being independent is my style.
But I wouldn’t have realised this about myself if I had not taken the time to build myself without any distractions. I advise you to do the same if you’re yet to be able to stand brazenly and verbalize your personality. Take the time to find out the kind of person you are, what you like and dislike, what makes you happy and what doesn’t, the kind of people and things you’re interested in and the ones you’re not interested in, the unique way God speaks to you and the way you respond when He speaks (because, amazingly, God shows us things and speaks to us based on our personalities, in the way we can realise it and understand).
I’ve just penned down the outline of an experience in my life I don’t want to forget, an experience that showed me that the right time for a relationship is when you know yourself, when you can fight against anything to make sure it doesn’t try to change the good parts of your personality, when having a boyfriend or girlfriend will not cause you unrest of mind or won’t make you feel guilty, when you’re sure that even if you get on the relationship train, it won’t affect your career or your life’s goals.
In the time when I was still failing and failing and trying and failing and failing and trying and trying… whatever, you understand my point. In the time of my unrest, I came across my scriptural pillars for this year. And they helped me, in the measure they could, to realise what I pledged to stand by this year. Here they are:
My Scriptural Pillars for 2021
HEADER SCRIPTURE:
Galatians 6:4-5 – – – > “Make careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been called to do and sink yourself into that.” – The Message Bible.
Luke 6:27-38 – – – > “Be merciful, even as your father is merciful.” – The Revised Standard Version Bible.
Philippians 2:14-16 – – – > “Light in a dark world.”
Philippians 2:8 – – – > “Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right.”
Philippians 2:4-7 – – – > “Be full of joy.”
Hebrews 12 – – – > “Keep your eyes on Jesus, our leader and instructor; let God train you, for He is doing what any loving father does for his children.”
2 Corinthians 4:8-10 – – – > “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken.”
Proverbs 27:1-2 – – – > Don’t brag about your plans for tomorrow – wait and see what happens.”
Psalm 34 – – – > “The Lord is close to those whose hearts are breaking…”
Proverbs 27:10 – – – > “Never abandon a friend.”
UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED, ALL VERSES WERE GOTTEN FROM THE LIVING BIBLE.
These helped gain back a bit of my strength, but I truly became at peace with God and with myself when I said it to myself that I was not ready for a relationship yet. And following this, I severed the girlfriend-and-boyfriend ties. Now my mind is quiet, my vision is clearer, and my heart is light and free.
With that said and done, thank you for tuning into this blog post. I urge you to put into practice the things I laid out here, according to your own personality. If you loved this blog post, be sure to look out for posts in the Teen Talk category, where I talk stuff like this and more. Follow Olaedo on social media to be sure you get updates… and share!
Keepin’ it V,
(ORIGINALLY POSTED ON MY OLD BLOG)
Ọlaedo 